Being guarded dating
If you don’t let a man in because you’re protecting yourself and being safe, you’re not going to feel close to him no matter how rich, good-looking, attractive, charming or sexually appealing he is to you.There is no way around this uncompromising, ironclad, irrevocable truth.
The more I give of myself, the more “in love” I will feel. I have been hurt several times in the past in my relationships with men, so in my most recent relationship I kept myself safe and a bit withdrawn. I guess I don’t know what love is, and I don’t know how to be in love while also feeling emotionally safe and protected. Dear Lost: If there is such a thing as heaven on Earth, the passionate attachment that we call love is as close as we get to transcending normal reality and lifting our hearts and spirits to a higher dimension.Romantic love is an experience that, if never reached, leaves people feeling that they have missed the secret of life.Love is usually called an emotion, but in fact, it may consist of a series of emotions (joy, lust, attraction, fear, hope, anger, etc).These emotions may contradict each other at times, and may include negative as well as positive feelings.Author Sam Keen says that because an enduring relationship is destined to confront the inevitable joys and sufferings of the human condition, the narrative of love can never end with the superficial “And they lived happily ever after.” It will be a Technicolor tale that includes longing, struggle, frustration, ecstasy, pleasure, pain, betrayal, fidelity, alienation, reconciliation, loneliness, communion, folly, wisdom—and every human emotion, including hurt, insecurity, need and contentment.
But here’s the catch: if you protect yourself by being emotionally withdrawn and safe, if you fear love because you fear getting hurt, you’ll approach your relationships with a “guarded heart.” And if you have a guarded heart, you won’t be able to love freely, deeply, wholeheartedly or unreservedly, if at all.
If you’re going to fall in love, you must risk your heart.
You won’t fall in lover—not really—if you are too emotionally armored, defended, protected or guarded.
The more I hold myself and my heart back, the emptier and more superficial the experience will be for me.
Here are some things you can do if you’d like to overcome having a guarded heart: Neil Rosenthal, LMFT, offers couples therapy and marriage counseling in Denver, Westminster, and Boulder, Colorado.
He specializes in strengthening intimate relationships. His internationally syndicated "Relationships" column is now in its 23rd year.